How to help family members who ask for money

Money is more important now than ever for most families. If you are one of the lucky ones enjoying a good financial structure during these challenging economic times, this may well predispose you to be the go - to person for the less fortunate relatives. Maybe you only have enough for your immediate family, but cannot say no to the demands coming from relatives, and this is giving you cause for worry. There are more ways than one to handle this situation better. Fortunately, this was the topic of discussion last night, on my radio show.

Let us dig in!

THE CALLS

Olayinka mentioned she has had extended family (relatives) living with them since she got married and it has been quite demanding, to say the least.

Tunji does not have any issues with the idea of supporting his 'relatives', but feels disappointed in himself for not helping out as much as he would love to.

Ayomide does not pray to be caught in a situation where she has to choose between her extended or immediate family. She feels indebted to her mum and a friend, who were both there for her, during the five years she was out of a job.

For Demola, it is a bit over the top, as he has grown to dislike his father's "excessive generosity". Now that his father is retired, the burden has not necessarily reduced. Hence he fears that as the fist child of his father, he will be expected to tow the same path.

Bunmi is in her eighteenth year of marriage and decries her husband who has been taking care of all his siblings' financial needs. Shelters all three brothers with their families in his house, and has so far bought up to five cars for his immediate younger brother. When asked about his attitude to his immediate family, she mentioned that he only agrees to pay their children's fees and provides a fixed amount for feeding. Any extra funds needed would have to come from her.

Bimpe, married for nine years and counting, is pained for the fact that she has had to foot the rent in the last three years, to save face. Yet her husband feels obliged to pay the rent and bills of his siblings and parents.


MY THOUGHTS

We are blessed for many reasons, one of which is to help others with the gifts we have been freely given. Nevertheless, our benevolence risks being taken advantage of by relatives who would much rather leach unto us for their needs, than struggle to make ends meet.

Some financial situations grow out of a lack of knowledge more than a lack of cash. So if your relative is in a tough spot, where a little more information could help more than money, then by all means provide it.

The situation might mean that your relative has a short term need for cash and long term need for a job. If you have the links or connection, provide it. Introductions can be more valuable than just cash handouts.

Do not be afraid to sit a relative or member of the extended family down when they come to you for help. A little conversation about the problem may reveal more ways than just cash handouts to solving it. Be firm in your decisions. People appreciate one who listens, that is one sure way to find out the cheaper means to helping out a relative in a fix.

Have you ever tried helping someone close get out of financial troubles? Any tips or stories you would like to share?