HELP! My husband is gay
You decide with your fiancé to abstain from sex until marriage, he agrees. But a month into the marriage, he gives several excuses why he cannot have sex with you. Then one faithful evening, you return from work only to be greeted with the sight of your husband and his best man in bed together, butt naked!
That is the story of 26 year old Maria, who shared her story with us and is in need of advice, in the wake of this shocking discovery.
In my adolescent years, I have been hit on by gay men. An experience which often left me confused and quite worried. Confused because I could not understand why they were so uninhibited about it, like it were the normal circle of life. Worried because I always wondered: "Why me?". I wanted to be a 'chic - magnet' and nothing more. As I was terribly shy growing up, hence it impeded my chances at wooing women. But that's a different story now.
Parents have a major role to play in sex and sexuality education with their growing kids. At the age when you notice your kids exploring their anatomy, sometime around 5 to 15 years (based on most live accounts on the show last night), that would be a great time to fill their curiosity with knowledge about their uniqueness, and hence boost their confidence level.
For some others, they were probably caught at a vulnerable moment of their lives, with generous expressions of affection dolled out by a 'happy' friend or neighbor. Leaving one flustered and gullible to such tendencies. This was the case of Chioma - a caller on #SLI last night, who got hit on in such fashion by a female neighbor at age 11, at a time her mom passed.
In Maria's situation one would expect her to notice some strange tendencies in such a partner. Hence the need to pay close attention to personality traits which show;
While these signs may not be conclusively indicative of your spouse being gay, they cannot be completely ruled out.
Unfortunately, in Maria's case, she not only missed the indicators of her husband's sexuality, but fell into the category of people who base their partner's implicit support, to their desire for celibacy before marriage, on deep moral values. What would be grossly unfair, would be to be tricked into getting married to a gay or lesbian partner, only to be left hanging after you say "I do".
We should be careful not to ignore some of these signs. As much as it is admirable to wait till marriage, it is also wise to expect a healthy sexual appetite from your intended partner, just to be sure, before plunging in.
If you were in Maria's shoes, what would you do?
That is the story of 26 year old Maria, who shared her story with us and is in need of advice, in the wake of this shocking discovery.
In my adolescent years, I have been hit on by gay men. An experience which often left me confused and quite worried. Confused because I could not understand why they were so uninhibited about it, like it were the normal circle of life. Worried because I always wondered: "Why me?". I wanted to be a 'chic - magnet' and nothing more. As I was terribly shy growing up, hence it impeded my chances at wooing women. But that's a different story now.
Parents have a major role to play in sex and sexuality education with their growing kids. At the age when you notice your kids exploring their anatomy, sometime around 5 to 15 years (based on most live accounts on the show last night), that would be a great time to fill their curiosity with knowledge about their uniqueness, and hence boost their confidence level.
For some others, they were probably caught at a vulnerable moment of their lives, with generous expressions of affection dolled out by a 'happy' friend or neighbor. Leaving one flustered and gullible to such tendencies. This was the case of Chioma - a caller on #SLI last night, who got hit on in such fashion by a female neighbor at age 11, at a time her mom passed.
In Maria's situation one would expect her to notice some strange tendencies in such a partner. Hence the need to pay close attention to personality traits which show;
- your partner (mail or female) gloating over compliments paid him/her by the same sex
- your spouse is not as sexually enthused as you are in bed
- your husband gets overly defensive or exceptionally mad when a homosexual reference of some sort is made at him. This could be because he is trying very hard to deflect chances of his inhibited traits being revealed.
- your wife has a female buddy who visits and lives with you for months unending.
- you discover your husband has a lot of pornographic material with gay sex in it
- he constantly clears his browser history
- he has quite a number of performance enhancing drugs, yet he shows no sign of either using them or improving in bed, and yet encourages you to use toys on yourself
- he/she spends extra time at the gym and personal grooming, yet proves to be less sexually attracted to you
While these signs may not be conclusively indicative of your spouse being gay, they cannot be completely ruled out.
Unfortunately, in Maria's case, she not only missed the indicators of her husband's sexuality, but fell into the category of people who base their partner's implicit support, to their desire for celibacy before marriage, on deep moral values. What would be grossly unfair, would be to be tricked into getting married to a gay or lesbian partner, only to be left hanging after you say "I do".
We should be careful not to ignore some of these signs. As much as it is admirable to wait till marriage, it is also wise to expect a healthy sexual appetite from your intended partner, just to be sure, before plunging in.
If you were in Maria's shoes, what would you do?
I feel Maria should just move on since she hasn't been touched yet. The man has probably given himself over to a reprobate mind...for him to go that extent with his Best man on their matrimonial bed is just extreme. I guess he got married because of pressure and the fact that its the norm of the society. Like one of the callers said, during our high school days, there's every tendency to get hit on by friends particularly when you go to a same sex school. I attended a same sex school and worse of it was my colleagues called me "Obirin" (yoruba word for a girl) because I cook, sing and do cultural dance. But hey, those weren't enough reasons to tag me GAY. After college I had to wait some years to get into the University and that period for me, I battled with my mind and emotions. Thank God for Christ, I genuinely became born again but I had to consciously work on my mind. Today, I can only thank God because I've seen many people graduate into something else. God's intention is for us to procreate as man and wife not to confuse our sexualities. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jerrie
DeleteMaria, should just move on, but if I was her, I do not think I shall ever marry again after such experience. After all I heard last night, the thought of bringing children into this world is so scary for me. May God help us.
ReplyDeleteThat you discussed this topic, I have fallen head over heels in love with inspiration fm. You both practically reach out to everyone. God richly bless you both.
A song to my ears Afua. God bless!
Deletewhat did i not do?(1)did i pray and allow the Spirit of God lead and inspire my choice? (2)Was Esther in the bible married to a Godly man?(3)Whats the LOGOS VERSUS RHEMA of scriptures like the book of ROMANS Chapter 1 Verse 18 to 32 and such in the old testament which recommended instant judgement etc
ReplyDelete